Pity Party

I'm just going to be honest and say I'm having a pity party for myself right now. Tomorrow is the day before my birthday, and at work, our team brings in food for the birthday person's day. It's made into a big deal. However, I won't get that tomorrow b/c there is nothing to eat. My boss emailed me and said he wanted to get me Starbucks for our team meeting tomorrow but wasn't sure what I could eat. I said he could bring me a lemon for hot water... :-/ Just doesn't cut it.

Plus, it's my BIRTHDAY Saturday. I should be able to eat something exciting. If I can't have cake, I should be able to have something I want. Nothing sounds appealing. I kinda feel like this birthday is being set up to be a total dud. No plans with anyone, and nothing fun to eat.

Then, let's just mention Easter... Technically, well I'm kinda cheating by eating more food on Easter lunch, but since I have a friend who wants to do lunch with me after church, I'm going to allow myself some grains, tea, nuts and sugar. But really, still, that food isn't all that exciting. I'm pretty sad. Such a special weekend and I'm not able to partake with food. I know I'm whining, I really do. But that's how I feel right now.

It's amazing to me how much our culture uses food to show love and affection and hospitality. How food is central and integral to any social gathering. My office is having a potluck tomorrow too. So I'll smell everything delicious tomorrow and not be able to eat anything.

This just really really sucks. I'm sure God is teaching me a lot of things through this. Maybe there is some analogy too...like how man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord... maybe God is using this challenge in my life to encourage others. I have no idea. And I know it could be so much worse. I've lost my love for cooking :( I'm sure it'll come back at some point. I'm tired of hearing myself talk about food all the time and what I can/can't eat. I'm tired of focusing on what I can eat next. Because I might get hungry and I need to make sure something is at least cooked so I can eat it. But when you're hungry, who really wants to go have a snack of seaweed noodles? Yah. No...

Ok that's where I'm at. It'll get better. But I'm being real and right now it sucks.